Author: Kat

When I got married I also changed my job to be able to work with children again. I really love working with young kids so I apply and was accepted to work at a daycare. I worked with 16 three and four year olds and it was marvelous! We rented a house about 45 minutes from where I worked. It was so wonderful to be teaching, playing and planning again for children again that I didn’t mind the commute at all.

It wasn’t our home for very long due to the mould in the basement and other issues that had come up. So we moved into an apartment on my parents farm. It was nice living close to my parents but it wasn’t our own place. My husband’s parents had a run down place nearer to where I worked. It was so run down it was very affordable so we moved an old mobile home onto it and lived there. It took time to get all the amenities put in but we were eager to be in our own place. Our neighbors were kind enough to let us run an extension cord over from there place for a microwave and I did a lot of cooking in that for a time. We had no water, sewer, power or natural gas (heat) for many months.

During that time I was still working and had become pregnant. We hauled water jugs, used something like a compost toilet and had only a microwave for a few months, then we had a holding tank put in for our septic and that felt marvelous! It meant we could actually use the toilet and just pour water down to flush. In November we had natural gas and power put in, but still no running water. It didn’t matter though because we could still haul water but at least could cook, clean and stay warm now!

Matthew 6:31-34 ““Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Once I made it home I was quite self conscious about working with children again so I decided to take a break from that work environment. I started working at a gas station/car wash. It was a completely different job than I had ever done before but I enjoyed it. I lived with my grandparents and it was so wonderful to be close to them and still have my independence.

I was quite lonely for companionship though. All my friends from high school and college had moved away and I was left in the area with not a lot to do or people my age to hang out with. I started hanging out with a guy that I knew from high school. He had asked me out off and on for 7 years and each time I responded with a resonate “no”. Now, however, there was no one else to talk to and he was willing to spend time with me. He was dating someone else at the time so I knew it couldn’t be serious.

Over a few months it became serious and when we talked I believed he had broken up with the other girl he had been with. Only later I found out he had been dating both of us. I told him to make a choice and he said his choice was me.

We dated for about a year then got married. It was not the marriage I had envisioned, but as hind-sight is 20-20, it’s one that should have been expected. Even during our honeymoon he wasn’t the man I thought he was while we were dating. Things changed very quickly in the relationship but I choose him to be my husband and I was going to do my best with God’s help to make the marriage work!

Matthew 19:4-6 “And He (Jesus) answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

After we decided to sell the dairy my dad got some equipment to start a business. He began with an old backhoe and that means so did I. That was the first piece of equipment outside of farm equipment that I ran. I was put in a field close to the yard and told to dig up the big rocks. I really enjoyed it and still do. I don’t mind at all running backhoes, skidsteers or tractors.

The social aspect of school was still challenging but the kids let up on the teasing after the outburst, thank goodness. I was embarrassed enough. I continued on participating in every sport, serving in many different areas in our local church, helping at home and going to Bible camp or helping with Daily Vacation Bible School in the summer. At 15 I started working for much of the summers at a different Bible camp than where I attended. I would help in the kitchen with meal prep and clean up, then do janitorial work in many of the buildings through the camp. There was a crew of us and I got to meet a lot of new teens and learn more about myself. I was able to grow in God and in my self confidence. I was no longer ashamed of just being me.

At 16 I was baptized in our home church. I would have been baptized a lot sooner but I was terrified of going under water. Something I didn’t mention in my previous post was when I was very, very young (I think 3 or 4 years old) I went swimming with one of my younger brothers, my uncle and his girlfriend in a river. My uncle had swam to the other side and told us not to come to him. He was always joking so my brother and I didn’t believe him and went over. All I remember after starting to cross was bobbing up and down watching my uncle save my brother then come out back for me. From then on I was terrified to put my head under water for any reason. The baptism was wonderful though and I am so glad I did it.

When I was 17 I had my first boyfriend. We had met at the Bible camp that I attended, not worked at. It was wonderful to be in a relationship and he was a great young man and I loved his family. It felt so great because I consider my younger self as “boy crazy”! I had crushes all the time from about the age of 10 and dreamed of my wedding from that age as well. I have always been a romantic, a planner and a dreamer 🙂 I was so heart-broken when he broke up with me about a year later. He said God was telling him I was not the right one for him. I didn’t let it go so easily.

I continued working summers at the other camp and kept myself as busy as possible to not think about the relationship which had ended. I’m so grateful for the friendships I made through working at camp. When I was 18 I graduated high school and was very thankful I didn’t have a “boyfriend” for grad. I had a friend that I had worked with come out and he was marvelous to hang out with, have pictures with and make memories that I would cherish forever instead of looking back on a relationship that didn’t work out.

During my final year of high school a few of us teens raised money to go on a mission trip with Samaritan’s Purse. The summer after graduation was an amazing trip to a country in Central America to begin building a church, give medical care and reach out to the community with the Gospel message. One of the translators and I became such good friends, we felt like sisters. We still occasionally keep in touch more than 20 years later, thank goodness for social media 🙂 It has made it much easier.

When we came back the first thing I said to my mom was that I wanted to go back.  I loved it so much and wanted to go back right away, but unfortunately I have never been back since. For me it wasn’t a culture shock like it was to many of the others that went, but my imagination has always been very vivid and my empathy for others had manifested within me for many years so I believe I was much more mentally prepared than many others. I made a few friends during the trip but no one nearly as close as the translator.

After the trip I prepared for college. I went to a college close to home for two years to get my Early Childhood Degree. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to start the route to teaching or nursing. I chose teaching and I have always loved the younger ages and it wasn’t a long education process to get my degree. I have never been one who lives to work, not in the typical work for a pay cheque work. I have always only wanted to be a wife and a mother. So I went for two years, got my degree and went to England as an au pair.

The plan was to go be in England for 2 years, however plans changed drastically when a conflict of education styles came into play. One of the parents was pleased with my work, the other was not. I stayed for 2 months and it was a great experience even though it was really challenging. The people in the town and the church family I met were marvelous, so loving and kind. I wish I hadn’t lost the addresses because I really wanted to stay in touch over the years. However I had to leave because the working/living situation just wasn’t working out. I do love how I made the trip home.  In a 24 hour time frame I was able to ride by car, boat, taxi, 2 trains, plane and car again to get home. THAT was incredible! And the experience overall was as good as it was difficult. I tend to grow so much closer to God during trying experiences.

Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.”

I will start my posts at my beginning, I grew up in a Christian home on a dairy farm. I asked Jesus to be my Saviour at the age of 5 years old. I didn’t know if I was really saved though until I was about 12. That’s when I realized that “it took” and I didn’t have to keep asking. During my younger years we only moved & changed schools once, but that one move changed me completely. I went from being more of an extrovert with self confidence to being bullied, introverted and scared to be real with people. All of my school years were spent trying to be invisible to the world around me. I would always refer to myself as a “wallflower” trying not to be noticed in school. However I also loved being unique so I would do little things for myself to feel like I was set apart from the others. I didn’t want to be known because being real meant being bullied by everyone around me. I thought I was ugly and not good enough for anyone or anything all my life.

Growing up with my family was great. I never thought I wasn’t loved and my parents gave my siblings and me all they could. Growing up in the 80s/90s on a small dairy farm was not a wealthy experience. I never felt like we ever went without, but when I talk to my Mom she tells me how often our cupboards were bare and she couldn’t afford groceries. Living on a dairy though, we always had milk, meat and always huge garden. I grew up freezing vegetables for the winter, so I never felt like we were missing out. My parents never talked about money around us so I felt like everything was fine, until we moved.

In the new school everyone was judged on how they looked, what they possessed, the foods they ate and the clothes they wore. I was a good student and a good athlete, but that was not enough to not be bullied. I was a Christian who was even different as a Christian. My faith in God was so deep right from the beginning that even other believers didn’t seem to like me or understand me. I had two “friends” in my entire 10 years of public school at the new school, neither of them were Christians. I have always called myself the “black sheep” both in the family and outside of it. Not only did I not fit in with school but neither did I fit in with my siblings. Being the oldest of four I have always felt responsible for the care of others. I have always loved kids and caring for them. I was also the oldest cousin on both sides so I would help care for and play with all the littles ones that came along and I loved it.

As I grew older life became very difficult for me. I felt too old to play with the little ones who had each other and was told I was too young to be with the adults. I felt very alone by the age of 13. At 14 I was tired of the bullying, looking back now I see my hormones would have played a huge role in the emotions as well, but I had come to a point where I blurted out before class one day what I had been thinking of for a very long time, I should just go kill myself then. I knew God loved me and I knew my parents loved me, but I was just so tired of all the school garbage that was happening. I had enough and didn’t know what else to do. That outburst led to going to the school counselor, my parents being called in and me feeling humiliated that I had voiced anything. I look back now and know that I wouldn’t have acted on it, but I also know that, being honest, I had thought many times about how and where I could do it. I have always been a planner, knowing that my plans don’t have to happen, but I just need a plan.

Not very long after that Dad & Mom came to us kids with a choice to either grow the dairy or sell it. As a family we voted and the majority vote was to sell. It was really hard on my parents and they left for a short time leaving my grandparents, who lived close to us, in charge. I felt like I was the one in charge though and not them, which is what I really needed at that stage in my life. My grandparents stayed at their own house and my siblings and I stayed at ours. I disagreed with some things that my grandparents said and told them I’d do things myself, so I did. I was up at 4:00 am to milk cows, then went to school, came home and milked again and I also made sure my siblings were cared for as well.

It was exhausting and hard on me physically but I desperately needed it mentally and emotionally. Unfortunately someone decided to call in social services, which really, really angered me. I answered their questions and ended up at the home of a family from church. The break from chores was nice, but the time I did them is what helped straighten me out from suicidal thoughts. I finally felt like I was needed in life and had a purpose and that I could handle many big responsibilities. It was definitely a huge learning experience. The lesson that EVERYONE needs a purpose in life no matter what their age is was of great value to me and has been with me through the years.

Psalm 139:1-3 “O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways.”